1. I will never yell at my children in public, I will never have to; they’ll be so well behaved - I don't yell I just speak in a pleasant affirming voice.
2. My children will never leave the house in mismatched clothes or with a snotty nose - only mismatched when daddy takes her out, but that snotty nose is like a tap that won't turn off.
3. I’ll never frustrate the childless and take my children out to restaurants - we have dined out often since she was born and thankfully she has only tossed 1 plate on the floor like we were in a Greek restaurant, but there have been many times whe have got the hell out without finishing our meals.
4. I’ll lose my pregnancy plump easily because I’ll keep up my exercise schedule – after all, my baby will sleep through the night so I’ll have energy - currently losing weight and baby is currently sleeping 11-12 hours. This has not been the case all the time, there have been many sleepless nights but mostly good.
5. I won’t get plump when pregnant because I’ll adhere to a strict healthy, balanced diet. Blah, I put on a blossoming 22kgs, mostly in the last 3 months.
6. I’ll never bribe my children - I already do it all the time.
7. I will be able to go to the toilet with the door closed/have a conversation without being interrupted/go back to work after 6 weeks because babies sleep all day and toddlers are easily amused – at least mine will be - no comment, except to say I was back working after 6 weeks, in hindsight that was the easy time.
8. The TV will not be used as a babysitter - its not the TV that is the babysitter, it's the Wiggles, they are real people.
9. My children will never have tantrums in public, or at all for that matter - modern day its not called tantrums, its called planking, and it happens all the time.
10. My children will adjust to fit into my life, not the other way around - minor modifications required, oh who am I kidding there have been major modifications.
11. I’ll never resort to a dummy - thankfully this is the 1 I we have succeeded with.
12. My children will spend most of their days playing outside, not in front of a computer - so far so good, she loves the outdoors.
13. My children will not be branded by Disney - its not Disney its Special Agent Oso.
14. I will never have to pretend to eat in order to encourage baby to eat - she is a shocking eater, currently going through a really bad phase, relapsed into whinging for milk, gone off eating vegetable, does eat lots of fruit, won't even eat her favourites such as Lasagne, noodles etc.Time to fix the broken baby or is it the broken Parents, time to read the parenting bible and get the discipline back on track. Time for change.